What makes dinner a dinner party? What is that dividing line? In my personal opinion, it comes down to 4 things–appetizer(s), dessert(s), “coursing”, and people you don’t eat with every other day of the week. There are varying levels of formality, styles of serving, and number of guests. However, I look at each of those additional elements as levers or a sliding scale or lever. You can move them up and down depending on your available time and energy as well as, frankly, the type of party you want to throw. In all honesty, the first 4 criteria could fluctuate too. Personally, I like to think of those as building blocks that I can put together however I see fit as long as what I’m creating is “structurally” sound.
Next we’re going to do a bit of a dive into each of these components. Then in another post we’ll talk about our “sliders.”
Core Components of a Dinner Party
People You Don’t Eat With Everyday
Okay, I’m actually going to start with the last core element that I listed, because I think it is actually the most important. At the heart of a dinner party, the point is spending time with other people. Hopefully, they’re people you like and want to spend time with. Even if that’s not the case, the point is still you and the guests who are attending. Ideally, if you’re going through the effort of throwing a party, you will be spending the event time with people you like and with whom you want to socialize. That is the premise that I will be using for the rest of this post and, frankly, the blog. 🙂
Appetizers and their Associated Socialization Time
I consider appetizers a core component of a dinner party, not because of the food involved but rather because of the socialization time that they represent. That said, I really do love appetizers, particularly finger food, but that’s a post for another day. Appetizers provide a few important elements to a dinner party:
- Give your guests time to arrive.
- As most of us normal mortals know, the end of the day does not always go as planned. Sometimes it takes us longer that desired to get out the door and to our destination.
- Give you a chance to decompress a bit after any rushing around you may have been doing in the time leading up to your dinner party.
- Give people a chance to mingle and catch up.
- Give you a chance to finish up any last minute dinner menu items, knowing that your guests have something to tide them over while they chat.
Basically, appetizers–both the time for enjoying them and the foods themselves–are a buffer zone. They add some flex to the dinner party timeline and given everyone a chance to settle in before the meal.
“Coursing”
“Coursing” might be a bit misleading of a term, but the intent is to indicate a deliberate pacing of the evening and meal. Let’s circle back to the idea that the people and socialization are the most important aspects of a dinner party. As the host, you get to set the rhythm of the party and, therefore, the opportunities for people to enjoy themselves. I usually look at being the host as being responsible for creating a space and time for guests to sit back and relax. The food, however tasty it may be, is largely a prop.
By no means do I want to imply that every dinner party needs to be a multi-coursed and plated affair. That is certainly not the kind of dinner party that I throw just about every other week. Rather I like to think of the “courses” of the evening as follows:
- Guest Arrival, Appetizers, and Catch up
- We’re not strict on arrival times. We typically
foistoffer food and drinksonto guests whenever they arrive. Depending on your particular party, this may also include introductions of guests.
- We’re not strict on arrival times. We typically
- Dinner and Conversation
- The sides and main(s) can be broken into multiple courses or served family style or served in a buffet.
- Dessert and After Dinner Activity (if one is planned)
- For us, this is often a board game or movie, depending on the night and the crowd. Sometimes there’s coffee and espresso to go with them. (Okay, let’s be honest; that’s almost always the case.)
In short, by “coursing”, I mean spacing out the food and socialization, allowing your guests to relax and enjoy themselves. Remember, they shouldn’t feel rushed or like they need to move on to the next step. They should be able to come in and abdicate all such control to you. You’ve got a plan and can execute it with flexibility and intent.
Dessert and Capping Off the Event
By the time the meal is over, hopefully everyone is relatively full and relaxed. While dessert isn’t required, I really like it as a bookend to the meal. It provides the perfect opportunity to either wrap up the evening or segue into the next activity. I will also note that in saying “dessert”, I am not confining my definition some sweet confection. Other ways that we frequently wrap up the meal portion of a dinner party include some traditional dessert, coffee, espresso, dessert wine, and / or some other sipping drink.
Now, as far as the presence of dessert (referring to a sweet dish) being a marker of a dinner party vs. normal, everyday dinner; I have mixed points of view. While I consider it a core component of a dinner party, I classify it as a normal part of everyday dinner too. Heck, I have something that constitutes dessert with lunch on most days, so . . . every day’s a party? 🙂 Anyway, back to my point. Dessert (in the broad sense) is a great way to wind down a meal. This is true regardless of if guests are getting ready to leave or planning to stick around for another 3 – 5 hours of games or movies. (That’s how our Friday night dinner parties typically play out.)
Putting the Core Components of a Dinner Party into Practice
I know that the idea of throwing a dinner party can be daunting. However, I’m here to show you that it doesn’t have to be a ball of violent stress.
With a directional plan and a willingness to roll with pretty much anything that comes up, you too can host a dinner party at almost the drop of a hat.
***sound of screeching tires*** Wait. What? Does that sound terrifying and flat out awful to you? You’re not alone. The idea of hosting a party, period, sounds traumatic to a lot of people, let alone at the drop of a hat.
Quick Background: How did my obsession with dinner parties start?
Many years ago, my other half and his friends had a weekly bad movie night get together every Friday night. When I entered the picture, I was shocked and frankly baffled that there was no food involved. In my family, if someone randomly walks in the door, we immediately try to foist food upon them. So . . . I started with buffalo chicken dip and it really just escalated from that point on. We eventually graduated to starting the evening with a dinner party before moving on to games or movies. Now, given the busyness that is life, the cadence often becomes every other week with a fluctuating guest list ranging from 6 – 10 people.
Escalation of a Dinner Party Obsession
Once you’re comfortable with having regular dinner parties, it’s easy to escalate. It’s not a far stretch to add in pairings, courses, place settings, and printed menus. You can pick and choose which things you want to spend time on. Putting together a dinner party is not an all or nothing proposition. Manage the core components of dinner party that I described above and everything else is just dressing.
Next Steps
Okay, now that we’ve got that straight, check out my Anatomy of a Dinner Party Plan. There you’ll see how to put one together.
